can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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