You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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