So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
