Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
