If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
