I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
They are going to name an STD after you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
