Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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