her vagine was all disorganized.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
