look no pants
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
