he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
