I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
