Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's shark week go big or go home
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
