Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
