the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
