I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so let's talk penis.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
