is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
