I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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