there was a trapeze. enough said
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
