Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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