Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
