So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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