I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
