i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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