so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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