just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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