Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
