Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
