And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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