my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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