Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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