have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
