Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
