did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
