its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
