was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
