Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
