It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And then my night got REAL pukey
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
