oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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