I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
