Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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