I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
