I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
