remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
