Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
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I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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