Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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