He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize