One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
