I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I fill condoms, not promises.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
