apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
