I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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