I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So gin and wine won't be happening again
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
