DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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