Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
