so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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