Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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