I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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