Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
