she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
