I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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