bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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