drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
