Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
