'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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