I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he wants to bone in the snuggie
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
