OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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