Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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