Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
