the day after is always just damage control
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
