Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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